Postcard Stories- "Feh" #1

(Written for fun on October 11th 2009)

It’s 11 pm, and I throw the “single’s special” Thai takeout box out. I’m 37, I haven’t had sex in 14 months and three weeks, and the only things to my name are this crummy little home and a graying hamster. Through my bedroom ceiling, I hear my newlywed neighbour’s laughter, accompanied by the custom racket. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Fay and Andrew, who met through a hiking group.

What kind of half-sane person, goes hiking for fun?! It takes a ton of effort, you sweat like a beast, you’re in old jogging pants; and worst of all, you find yourself in what some people call – nature! Needless to say, I don’t get it. Apparently, some Cupid of a Fall tree was whispering through its leaves: “Attention male hikers, all paths lead to Mount Fay”, because here I am, bitter divorcee, once again exuberantly coming face-to-face with their rotted “joie de vivre”.

I loathe admitting it: but I’m a bit jealous of this brunette happiness-owner. Even if she seems to enjoy picking up her dog’s feces on her morning walks way too much for my liking. And then it begins.

“bang. bang. Bang. Bang. Bang!”…
“Ahhhhhh!”
“How’s that? Yeah?”
“A little to the left, Honey… Oh yeah! Just like that!”

This is IT! I can’t cope anymore! As I get up and reach for the broomstick in preparation for my fierce and routine retaliation, overwhelming groans and moans float down to me

“Aaahhhhhh, Faeeeeehhhhhh!”