Dawned Upon

(written on November 23rd 2009, in celebration of Auntie Sasha's 2 year of recovery b-day :)

I know you've seen her eyes
twisted in our most natural mirror;
to observe her reflection there
is to see through our life so much clearer

Do you greet her with a smile?
as her body is mangled to your horror
will she think back for a while,
before her puke hits the bowl’s water?


Stranded by
a darkened night’s embrace
nothing stands between the road
and my pounding feet

Up high in my mind’s sky I reach
with pulsing fingers of thoughts outstretched
a melody made of tangled stars
freely unsealed from my lips,
humming ugly untold truths

A rhythmic pattern undisturbed
the echo lost in time
bullets of sweat drip down,
my burning eyes soul search
the stern silhouettes of passersby’s

Feeling
as if everything and nothing matters
my heart races
in synchrony with the tick of my watch
I’ve got nowhere to be
but everywhere to get to

Nothing to stop me,
shielded from grease glazed billboards
hushed comments in the halls,
a shriveled salad’s stare
scaled numbers dropping
and my husband’s averted glances.

A loose sweater and runners soon thrown on
again brings us to circling thoughts:
nothing to stop me
until the moment
dawn breaks

My mind’s of steel,
but when the sun shines out
daily hassles devour me
and the night’s peaceful space
fills up again
Weighing
too much to bear
it sits on
my frail shoulders,
unmovable

Until dusk’s
calling back out to me
my friend’s concerns I ignored.
One last race, it tells me

Its gentle whisper turns into hated roars
gentle whisper turns most to the most
feared and hated roars
a rocking breeze begins to brew
and follows through to find its mark

Orion with a word,
persuades me to take a blind step in the dark;
a little further, just down this hill, he insists-
how could I refuse?

A rhythmic pattern undisturbed
the echo lost in time
bullets of sweat drip down,
my burning eyes soul search
the stern silhouettes of passersby’s

The rocking breeze seethes some more
and it follows through to find its mark,
Orion swallows the dusk, and thrusts his
fucking dagger straight through my heart

It renders me in the nick of time
more than ever
alive,
and at last able to take
my loved ones lent hands

This was for the best,
as the only thing I had left
for them to find after my death,
was just a small note to say
that I’d been buried at sunset.